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3 HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE WE DONT KNOW

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The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us, Harsh truths about love. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. I have been in a relationship for about a year and i know i have done a lot for myself and my girl, i am not talking about finance by the way.

HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE WE DONT KNOW

I know i am the best man to talk relationship issues with because i have kept the same barber for about 4 years, lol, just kidding i have had the same lady for a few years and everyday feels like a new day because i know the intricacies attached to being the man of the house. I remember talking to her in class, he was a calculated investment and it was worth every time. Here are 8 ways to win the girl of your dream’s heart. 1. Be a gentleman Girls don’t want to be treated like a queen, but they do want to be treated like a princess. She doesn’t want you to be a doormat, she wants you to be the one in charge. Open every door for her, especially the car door. Pull out her chair and allow her to sit down first when you take her on a date, and let her order first. When you are walking alongside the street, you should be the one walking closest to the street. Being a gentleman is being selfless. 2. Be pursuant Pursue her without the pressure. In other words, don’t try to “front” and be cocky. Have a conversation first and show her you are interested beyond her appearance. You don’t have to come up with some crazy pickup line. You can simply say, “I want to introduce myself…”Be sincere and genuine in wanting to get to know her. I see too many good guys get intimidated by a girl’s beauty up front, but take a closer look, and find her true self. Honestly, if you can get past this, you’ll have a leg up on the other idiots out there. After all, being genuine is where you excel the most. This is why you are the good guy!! 3. Be complimentary On our first date, I told her “You look so beautiful.” I then told her how great she looked when I saw her without makeup the night before. It was real and sincere. While she later revealed to me that she had been testing me to see if I would still like her without makeup, I simply saw a girl who didn’t have enough time because she just got done at the gym. That was incredibly sexy to me. 4. Be intentional Invite her to parties, events, and game nights with your friends. I called Atinuke every day when I finally got her number. I sent her encouraging text messages. I told her I wanted to be her man on our fifth date. She wasn’t ready, but she knew what I wanted. I gave her the time she needed with no stipulations, while still pursuing her intentionally. She told me she loved that. 5. Speak well of her in front of other people Hold her hand. Pick-up artists recommend saying backhanded compliments, but nothing beats a genuine and sincere compliment. A backhanded compliment might work for a one-night stand, but come on, this is a poisonous ingredient in trying to form a long-term relationship. Treat her just as kindly in front of friends and family as you do when you are alone. love 2 6. Be a good listener Ask solid open-ended questions that include “what,” “how,” and “why.” If you’re doing most of the talking, you’re not getting very far with her. Show her you care with body language and by repeating back some of what she just told you. Show her that you care for her and her needs. Pay attention to the small details. Girls care about the small stuff, big time. 7. Be protective Don’t let her walk alone to her car. If she’s going on a jog or walk at night, tell her you want to go to keep her safe. If she’s going to the gas station at night, go with her. If you’re at a club and she needs to go to the restroom, take her there and wait outside the door. 8. Be romantic Plan ahead. What do you want your love story to be? You are the writer. When people ask where your first kiss was, you don’t want her to answer with the driveway or that you were drunk at a party. The night I kissed Kristen for the first time, I wanted it to be special. I took her to an overlook on Mulholland Drive. We stood on top of the city, and that night I was her very own Superman. It was a special moment and I ended up proposing to her there. Finally, be yourself. There won’t be much longevity if she’s fallen for a false persona, and why would you want that anyway? I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not the coolest guy out there, so I have fun in my stupidity. There is no one else like you, so be confident. When you are walking in truth, game isn’t necessary. You’ve already won.

Man and woman smiling

It is certain we dont really understand what love is especially Nigerians, we do everything so basic expecting our spouse should take responsibilities for everything, i am here to kill that thought. Here are 3 Harsh truths about love to help change the way you think.

1. Love does not equal compatibility.
Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t blend into one another very well.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them. It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

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It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness. That may sound paradoxical, but it’s true.

2. Love does not solve your relationship problems.
My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting.

And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.

As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years!

After all, love conquers all, right?

Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.

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The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away.

3. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself.
One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well. But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?

it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great. But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic.

A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were.

 

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like morning fresh. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

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